Talking About Sexual Matters
Getting Started:
Parents say they spend a lot of time worrying about the right time and place to bring up the issues, and then find it just happens when they least expect it.
Research also shows that young people also worry about when to ask their parents certain things.
Teenagers tend to respond better to more casual opportunities. You could try bringing up the topic in the following places/situations
- in the car
- watching something relevant on TV
- over the phone, where it can be less confronting
- sharing a meal together
- washing up together
- out fishing
- walking the dog
Tips for good communication
- Before you start to talk, try and be clear about what you want to communicate and why
- Be open to learning from them. Show you are willing to listen
- Don't interrupt when they are talking
- Avoid questions which can only be answered with a 'yes' and/or 'no'. Instead, invite them to give an optinion or explain what's important to them
- Whenever possible, assure them that you will respect their confidence and privacy. Ask them to respect yours.
- If you want to give them advice or guidance, explain the reasons
Here are some tips for talking to your children about sexual matters
- Accept that you might both feel a bit embarrassed, but don't let that stop you. It gets easier each time!
- Accept that young people are sexual beings and that sexual activity will become an important part of their lives.
- Try hard not to react with anger, criticism, or panic- no matter what they tell you.
- Don't be afraid to say 'I don't know the answer'. then take the opportunity to find out, either togther or on your own and discuss it again later
- Be postitive about their emerging independence. Help them build up their self-confidence
- Talk about things when they happen, and based on your own experiences wherever you can
- Be open to discuss any issues raised, even if you find it difficult
- Remember they can set boundaries about your own privacy too
- Give advice and offer support. Don't make hard and fast rules. Negotiating limits and boundaries is likely to be more successful.
- Show confidence that they can weigh up different points of view and make good decisions about their own health
- Acknowledge to them that they are the ones who must make choices about their lives, and that your concern is that these choices are carefully thought through
- Express your own principles and moral perspectives and stand by them. Your child may not agree with you, but they will still consider these principles when making their own decisions
And if it's just too hard...
- Set an example in your own relationship of the behaviour you would like them to copy
- Make opportunities for them to read about it leaving brochures, books etc around the house
- Help them get their own Medicare card, so they can get medical advice if they need to
- Suggest someone or somewhere they can go for advice
(Sourced: Talking Sexual Health: A Parents' Guide, Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society, LaTrobe University)